SERIES 1 — CHAPTER EIGHTBECOMING THE SAFE PLACE YOU WERE LOOKING FOR The Return to Yourself 1/3
- Lamar Newby
- Feb 2
- 2 min read
The Return to Yourself
At some point in your life, you were looking for safety in someone else.
A parent.
A partner.
A friend.
A mentor.
A relationship.
A room.
A title.
A church.
A paycheck.
You were searching for a place where you could finally exhale.
A place where you didn’t have to brace.
Didn’t have to perform.
Didn’t have to shrink.
Didn’t have to over-explain.
Didn’t have to prove.
Didn’t have to survive.
But here’s the truth the healing journey reveals:
The safe place you were looking for was never outside of you.
It was the version of you that hadn’t learned how to feel safe yet.
THE HUNGER FOR SAFETY
When safety is inconsistent in childhood, you grow up searching.
Searching for:
approval
validation
reassurance
attention
stability
someone to finally “get you”
You become hyper-aware of everyone else’s mood.
You learn to scan faces.
You adjust your tone.
You overthink text messages.
You anticipate rejection.
You stay two steps ahead emotionally.
Because deep down, you’re still trying to secure something that once felt unstable.
But external safety will never fully calm an internal storm.
You can be loved and still feel unsafe.
You can be successful and still feel unstable.
You can be surrounded by good people and still brace for impact.
Because safety isn’t proximity.
It’s regulation.
WHAT REAL SAFETY ACTUALLY IS
Safety is not the absence of conflict.
Safety is knowing you won’t abandon yourself during it.
Safety is not someone never hurting you.
Safety is knowing you can leave if they do.
Safety is not perfection.
Safety is consistency.
Safety is:
trusting your intuition
honoring your boundaries
believing your feelings
not gaslighting yourself
walking away without begging
speaking without apologizing for existing
It’s not about controlling the world.
It’s about being steady inside it.
“You stop searching for safety when you become it.” — Kane83
It was the version of you that hadn’t learned how to feel safe yet.
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