SERIES 1 — CHAPTER TWO THE VOICE IN YOUR HEAD ISN’T ALL YOURS 1/3 On How Borrowed Thoughts Become Identity — And How You Take Yourself Back

THE VOICE IN YOUR HEAD ISN’T ALL YOURS

How Borrowed Thoughts Become Identity — And How You Take Yourself Back

Most people spend their whole lives listening to a voice inside their head and never once pause to ask the most important question: Whose voice is this? We assume if we hear it, it must be us. If we think it, it must be true. If it feels natural, it must be our nature. But the truth is far more complex.

The voice in your head is a mixtape. You didn’t pick all the tracks. Some thoughts belong to you. Many do not. Some were planted slowly. Others were forced in brutally. Some were whispered by people who loved you. Others were screamed by people who broke you. Many were never spoken at all — they were absorbed in silence. Without awareness, you carry every voice as if it’s your own.

The Mind Does Not Start as Yours

When a child arrives in the world, their spirit is pure, curious, capable, and open. But the mind? That comes later. At first, the mind is shaped entirely by others. The way adults react teaches the rules. The tone in the room teaches the mood. The look on someone’s face teaches meaning. The presence or absence of nurturing teaches value. The words spoken around you teach identity.

That internal voice begins as external voices repeated privately. For example:

• A child whose parents say, “You’re smart,” will hear encouragement later in life.

• A child who hears, “Why can’t you get it right?” will grow into an adult asking themselves that same question every day.

• A child who sees disappointment will read rejection into every silence.

• A child raised in chaos will hear chaos internally even in stillness.

• A child taught to doubt themselves becomes their own critic.

  
  

This is how the loop gains a voice.

The Uninvited Guests in Your Head

Let’s get real. When you hear thoughts like:

• “You’ll mess this up.”

• “You’re not enough.”

• “Don’t try — you’ll fail.”

• “They don’t really care.”

• “You’re too much.”

• “You should be ashamed.”

• “You’re wasting your time.”

  
  

Ask yourself: Do you think a newborn believe any of that?

No. Those thoughts were delivered into the mind by others.

A stressed-out parent who didn’t know how to soothe you

• A teacher who embarrassed you in front of peers

• A coach who shouted instead of guided

• A parent who abandoned you emotionally or physically

• A partner who manipulated your worth

• A bully who pointed at your most tender places

• A system that called you a statistic rather than a soul

• A society that said you were too young, too broken, too Black, too poor, too flawed, too different

Some voices were sharp.

Some were subtle.

Some weren’t spoken at all — they were implied.

And your mind recorded them like truth.

How Borrowed Thoughts Become Identity

Over time, these repeated messages shape how you see yourself and the world. They become the lens through which you interpret every experience. For example:

• If you were told you are “too sensitive,” you might hide your feelings and avoid vulnerability.

• If you were told you are “not good enough,” you might avoid challenges or sabotage your success.

• If you were told you are “a burden,” you might struggle to ask for help or set boundaries.

  
  

These borrowed thoughts become so familiar that they feel like your own truth. They influence your decisions, your relationships, and your sense of worth. But they are not facts. They are echoes from the past.

How You Take Yourself Back

Awareness is the first step to reclaiming your mind. Recognizing that the voice in your head is a mixtape means you can start to change the playlist. Here are practical steps to take yourself back:

• Listen closely to your thoughts. Notice which ones feel harsh, repetitive, or out of place.

• Ask where these thoughts came from. Were they spoken by someone else? Were they absorbed silently?

• Challenge the borrowed thoughts. Replace “I’m not good enough” with “I am learning and growing.”

• Create new tracks. Fill your mind with affirmations, truths, and supportive messages.

• Seek support if needed. Therapy, coaching, or trusted friends can help you untangle these voices.

  
  

Remember, your mind is not fixed. It is shaped by experience, and it can be reshaped by intention.

The Power of Reclaiming Your Voice

Taking back your mind means you stop carrying the weight of others’ judgments and fears. It means you start to trust your own voice, your own wisdom. This shift can lead to:

• Greater confidence in your decisions

• Healthier relationships

• Increased resilience in the face of challenges

• A deeper sense of peace and self-acceptance

  
  

You are not your borrowed thoughts. You are the one who can choose which voices to listen to and which to let go.

The voice in your head is not all yours, but it can become yours. By understanding where your thoughts come from and actively choosing which ones to keep, you reclaim your identity. This process takes time and patience, but it is the most important journey you can take.